Category Archives: LULZ

Hamlet – Prince of DBAs

While searching through my exhaustive collection of notes, scribbles and documentation, I found this particular GEM of mine that I wrote to Oracle Support after they had ignored my Priority Service Request for a month.  After finding that various degrees of pleading didn’t work, I went on the offensive and THREATENED them!

*I* found it very funny, anyway …

A last-ditch attempt to resolve this peacefully from ME:

I’m not kidding – the next update you’re going to be getting from me is poem. And I’m a very bad poet.

You have been warned.

They gave me no choice by ignoring me again.  I did what I had to do.  I’m not proud of it, but I’m not sorry either:

You were warned. You’re not only getting a poem, but you’re getting a Shakespeare soliloquy. And a TERRIBLE one at that.

If there’s no update tomorrow, I’m going to write and perform a song. Trust me when I say I can’t even speak in tune, never mind sing…

I hope you recognize this fabulous piece of literature…

To reply to the SR or not to reply to the SR, that is the question:
Whether there are nobler items in your in-queue
So to deal with other, less annoying customers
Or to at least *look* at this priority handled SR.
To update, to ignore
No more; and by ignoring, to say
The ignorance of a month-old priority SR
That a tortured DBA is heir to?
‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished,
To escalate or wait
To update, perchance to persuade
Aye, there’s the rub
For in that persuading, what solutions may come,
When you have stopped ignoring this request,
Must give us pause. There’s the respect
That makes calamity of ‘PRIORITY SR’
For who would bear the whips and scorns of having to deal with Metalink
The analysts’ wrong, the DBA’s contumely,
The pangs of paying for this, no response and delay,
The insolence of writing you a poem
To get your attention after too many winter nights
When he himself might his answer make
By putting this down to a freak of Exadata
That will be fixed in a future release.
Be all my sins remembered.

Seriously – is there any sign of an update – I don’t want to call in and ask why a Priority SR has been ignored for over a month. At least tell me you’ve not forgotten it…


Acknowledging your last update..
I will make sure this SR gets adequate attention and is progressed
Let me review the SR and get back to you…
(BTW, your poem is good- but I am sorry you had to write it)

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AWS Customer Service

A couple of weeks ago, I explained why I was not impressed with the cloud as a game-changing, magical, revolutionary, outstanding, groud-breaking panacea for IT expenditure after I’d spent some time with Amazon Web Services.

I contacted their support about a technical issue I was having and, to their credit, their customer service seems to be just as good for AWS as it is for their .com site.

I made a(n attempt at a) joke about time travel and how they meter usage for their RDS service and, to my surprise, they played along:

Me: Thanks for the resolution. I’ll keep you updated with my time travel travails. Do you happen to have a spare DeLorean car that can hit 88mph?

CSR: I’m glad to hear there was a resolution to your case. Currently, our DeLorean, as well as our Tardis, our Phone Booth, and our HG Well’s Special are all being used to try to prevent bad Fantasy Football drafts, as well as preventing from eating too much for Thanksgiving.

Got to love it when customer service has a sense of humor, especially considering the dog’s abuse they often get.

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Random Links

Here are some handy links that I’ve compiled over the last couple of weeks:

I also saw that MartinBach mentioned on Twitter that you can now create an ACTIVE HTML AWR report in, which sounds cool.

Happy clicking.

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DB Engines – July 2014 Rankings

This is one of the more bizarre rankings of database distributions I think I’ve seen. Instead of ranking a database on features, support and price, this web site rates them on:

  • Number of search engine queries (*)
  • Google Trends
  • Stack Overflow and DBA Stack Exchange
  • Job sites
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

Continue reading

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